


Zuko's Victory

by TheDoctorFromTheLibrary



Series: Sibling Rivalry [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:33:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21925231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoctorFromTheLibrary/pseuds/TheDoctorFromTheLibrary
Summary: The relationship between Zuko and Azula in the aftermath of the Agni Kai that decided the future of the Fire Nation as they deal with their past, their present, and their future.In this version, Zuko won. There's a sister fic in which Azula was the victor.
Series: Sibling Rivalry [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1579066
Comments: 11
Kudos: 116





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

The wound in his chest hurt with every breath. Katara was doing as much as possible, but it would need time to fully heal. She had warned him that the pain might never go away completely, just fade into something he’d have to live with.

Zuko had seen the guilt in her eyes every time she worked the water on him while he gritted his teeth through the process. He’d seen the gratitude too. Katara was still alive and that was worth any pain he’d have to endure.

She’d tried to stop him from going. He wasn’t ready. She was right, of course. Every step sent a stab through his chest. But he’d never let that stop him before.

It had only been a few days. After the rush of the fight burned out, he'd collapsed again. He'd still felt the lightning inside him, coursing through his body. He'd heard himself scream until his throat went raw.

He didn’t remember being taken to his room. He didn’t remember the hours Katara caring for him. He didn’t remember his friends standing around him, waiting, fearing. He only remembered being on fire. Again.

It seemed fitting. Like father, like daughter. But it didn’t have to be that way.

When he woke up, he could barely sit, much less stand. It didn’t stop him from trying, so Katara had pushed him down against the pillows. She wouldn’t let him leave his bed.

His uncle was there. The old man hugged him as he could. He was so proud of his nephew. His journey had been a long, troubled one, but Zuko had seen it through. He’d seen the war to its end and he would bring a new era to the Fire Nation. An era of peace.

Aang was by his side. There was an unmistakable relief in him, but it was balanced with a weight that hadn’t been there before. Zuko could see that fighting his father had changed something in the Avatar. Some of his innocence was gone. He wished he could change that. Aang deserved to be the kid he actually was.

Toph was angry at him. He’d almost gotten himself killed. She had felt the suffering in his erratic heartbeat. It had terrified her, though she would never admit it. She punched him lightly on the arm for his trouble.

Sokka simply would not shut up. He described in vivid detail how he, Toph, and Suki had taken down the airships. His cunning plan had worked brilliantly until suddenly it didn’t. Toph had been a badass, but she and Sokka came to the end of their rope. Then Suki saved them at the last moment, like the hero she was. Zuko smiled at how much the Sokka loved the Kyoshi Warrior. She dragged Sokka away so Zuko could rest.

Finally, Mai came in with Ty Lee. It was awkward between him and Mai, so he was thankful for Ty Lee’s presence. He and Mai cared deeply for each other, but neither of them knew if that would be enough.

Zuko was thankful for his friends. He’d never expected to have such wonderful people in his life. Sometimes, he was sure it was more than he deserved.

Yet, someone was missing. He couldn’t stop thinking about her.

He forced himself to take another step. The pain almost made him stop breathing, but he kept going. He pushed a hand against the stone wall to keep himself steady as he walked.

There was a guard at the door. The man tried to refuse to leave his post, but he didn’t dare go against the Fire Lord’s command. He opened the heavy metal door and walked away.

Zuko waited for the sound of the guard’s footsteps to dwindle in the distance before he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It killed him, but he didn’t make a sound. He couldn’t show any weakness now.

He entered the small room. Metal bars divided it in half. Sunlight shone from a barred window too high for any prisoner to reach. The walls were covered in scorch marks and the bars showed signs of heating and cooling.

His sister was lying on the mattress, staring at the ceiling. She looked pale, her face thinner. There were dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was a tangled mess, and her clothes were burnt in several spots.

Azula eyed him sideways and sat up with a smile.

“Zuzu, come to gloat?” she asked in the sing-song voice she always used to tease him, but there was a bitter edge to it now.

“No. There’s nothing to gloat about.”

“Then to what do I owe the _honor_ of your presence, Zuzu?”

“I came here to apologize.”

Zuko stepped forward and knelt in front of her. Asking his family for forgiveness on his knees was becoming a habit. His father had burned him and banished him. His uncle had pulled him into a platypus-bear hug. He didn’t know what his sister would do. Deep down, he still feared her. But he had to face her anyway.

Azula narrowed her eyes as she stood up in front of him. “For stealing my throne?”

He could hear the cracks in her voice. Had they been there before?

Zuko bowed as much as the burning in his chest allowed him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t the older brother you needed. I wasn’t there for you when we were kids, but I’m here now.”

She laughed for a long moment.

“I never needed you, Zuzu,” she said, her voice sickly-sweet. “I don’t need you now either.”

He sat cross-legged in front of her, ignoring how she towered over him.

“I’m your older brother. I should’ve been there to guide you, to protect you.”

Azula scoffed. “What would you protect me from?”

They both knew the answer. Zuko wasn’t ready to say it out loud, so he ignored the question.

“We never really played _together_ when we were kids, did we?” he asked. “We always played _against_ each other.”

His sister sat in front of him on the other side of the bars. They were on the same eye level now. He wondered how long it had been since the last time they’d sat together just talking. Had it ever happened?

“I beat you every time,” she said, more nostalgic than cruel.

He smiled at the memories that had always hurt him so much before. “Yeah, you were amazing. I was so jealous of you when I should’ve been proud of my little sister. I am now.”

Azula put one hand over her heart. “Zuzu, that’s so touching. You’re so proud that you locked me up in a cell!”

His instincts were telling him to run. His sister was furious and dangerous. She could attack him at any moment and he wouldn’t be able to defend himself. All the alarm bells were ringing in his head.

“I’m proud of your skills, but I don’t approve of how you use them,” he said calmly.

She grabbed the bars between them and brought her face closer to his.

“Who are you to approve of me? You’re weak. Always have been,” she whispered. “You were lucky to be born.”

Father’s words. Would they ever not sting? Zuko knew his father was a monster. Why did his opinion still matter to him?

“You were born lucky,” he replied, his voice hard like stone. He got up and grunted when the pain caught up to him. “And yet, you’re the one in a cell while I’m on the throne.”

The bars in Azula’s hands heated a bright orange. “Not for long.”

He turned his back on her and walked slowly to the door. Leaning on the doorframe, he looked over his shoulder at his little sister.

“I want us to be friends.” _Like siblings should be_.

“Friendship’s an illusion.” She was even angrier than before.

“See you tomorrow, Azula,” he said before leaving and pushing the door closed.

There was something else he wanted to say. Something he felt it should be said. But it wasn’t true yet.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry it took this long to post the second chapter, I had some laptop issues. I intend to keep posting on Mondays.
> 
> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
>   
> Enjoy!

That night Zuko dreamed of lightning. It hadn’t left him. Instead, it twisted his body in excruciating pain. He wished for death while Azula laughed in the distance.

He woke up screaming and drenched in sweat, his chest on fire. It was still night outside his window, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again. He got up and walked slowly to the balcony to wait for dawn.

He was no stranger to nightmares. It wasn’t even the first time Azula had been the protagonist of his night terrors. But that had been before he understood what until then had only been a simple fact: she was _his sister_.

It didn’t erase their childhood together. It didn’t erase the mean pranks, the crushing defeats, the constant teasing. It didn’t erase that they’d spent the last few months fighting. Most of all, it didn’t erase their Agni Kai.

They were enemies. Always had been. Could they ever be friends?

His friends had been his enemies first too, but that had changed. They'd put old grudges aside so they could work together and eventually they learned to love each other.

He hoped things between Azula and him could change as well. Their rivalry was so old and ran so deep it was just another part of both of them. He wasn’t sure they could lay it to rest.

The dark blue of the sky was softly giving way to the pink and golden hues of dawn. The stars faded, leaving only the moon and the rising sun.

There was a knock on the door, and someone entered.

“Morning, Zuko,” Katara said behind him.

“You’re up early,” he said as she joined him on the balcony, carrying her bag of supplies on her shoulder.

“I knew you’d be awake. _You rise with the sun,_ ” she added playfully.

He chuckled. The two of them had come so far since they’d been enemies that they made jokes out of those memories now. Maybe one day he and Azula would do the same.

Katara picked at the end of his white bandages. She pulled it and unrolled it gingerly. The scarred ends of his star-shaped scar came into view as she exposed more and more of his skin. Zuko stared at her hands as she worked. It had become their morning ritual.

“How does it look today?”

Her finger gently touched the red edge of a gash. Zuko gasped.

“Sorry, I’m checking for signs of infection.”

Zuko turned his gaze to the east and looked for strength in the sun.

“It’s okay, it’s not that bad.”

Katara rolled her eyes as she uncorked her pouch. The water followed the graceful movements of her hands to his chest. The cold soothed the burning that was always there, but it brought a pain of its own.

He reached out and grabbed the railing of the balcony. He tried to breathe slowly and clenched his teeth.

“Zuko, don’t be silly. I can see the literal hole in your chest.” With a quick turn of her wrist, the water went back inside the pouch. “You don’t have to act all tough. It’s okay to be vulnerable.”

She sounded so much like Uncle then.

He knew she was right. But he didn’t believe it, not deep inside of himself. His instinct was to always show strength, even when he felt anything but strong. That’s what was expected of him and anything else would make him inferior. Uncle had taught him to fight that idea. It was just another issue he had to work through.

“It hurts like fuck,” he admitted. “All the time.”

Katara’s hand stopped halfway to her bag and she looked up, eyes wide. She lowered her gaze and took new bandages from the bag.

“I’m so sorry, I wish I could do more,” she whispered, wrapping the bandages around him so carefully – almost afraid – as if she thought he might break.

Zuko sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Damn it! I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean– I’m not–” He took a deep breath before trying again. “You are doing an amazing job and I couldn’t ask for more. Thank you, Katara.” He bowed his head, which was as much as he could do at the moment.

Katara tied the bandages in a neat, comfortable tightness. She helped him get on the couch, where he would stay all day if she had her way. She sat beside him.

“You are going to see her again today, aren’t you?”

Zuko only closed his eyes, leaned back, and nodded. He was feeling exhausted already from the effort of walking around his room. How would he get the strength to visit his sister?

“Well, I think that’s a terrible idea,” Katara continued.

“You made that clear yesterday,” he snapped weakly.

Why was everyone so set against him? They didn’t understand, they could never understand. They just unintentionally made it even harder than it already was.

Katara touched his arm and he opened his eyes to meet her bright blue ones.

“I worry about you,” she said.

“I worry about _her_.”

“She tried to kill you! She can try again!”

Zuko remained silent. Katara was right. Azula had tried to kill him; her lightning had never been intended for Katara. Visiting her was risky, but he didn’t think she would try to kill him for now, not before finding a way to escape. He was willing to take the risk. He was the older brother and it was his duty to take care of his little sister.

“She needs me,” he said at last.

Katara opened her mouth as if to speak but closed it again. So many things seemed to be going on behind her eyes, but Zuko could read none. He didn’t need her support – he would do the right thing regardless of what anyone thought – but he hoped to have it.

After a long moment, Katara set her mouth in a firm line and nodded. “I understand. It’s dangerous and you shouldn’t go, not yet, but I understand.” She got up and laid a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a good brother, Zuko.”

_Am I?_

After Katara left, Zuko played the future conversation with Azula in his head over and over again. He tried to guess what she’d say, how she’d react. None of it rang true. He could come up with every possible scenario and she would still go in a completely unpredictable direction. He wanted so badly for it to go well, for him to say the right things, for her to listen to them.

In his mind, he pictured a young boy helping a little girl. It had never happened. Zuko had been too young to be of much help in Azula’s early years. He vaguely remembered being happy to have a little sister, but that feeling couldn’t have lasted long. The baby stole his mother’s attention, and soon she even had something he never did: his father’s affection. Without either of them realizing it, Zuko had been competing with Azula from the moment she was born.

 _I was just kid_ , he told himself, but it didn’t quite shake the guilt. He’d started it. The feud between brother and sister that followed them all their lives had begun with him being jealous of a baby.

He was sure Sokka could never have felt that way about Katara. He loved her fiercely and she loved him back just as much. Despite their constant bickering, the two of them were as close as could be and they always had each other’s backs. All Zuko and Azula had was the fighting. He didn’t even lo–

Not yet. But he would. He would learn to. They would learn to.

Someone knocked on the door. Zuko was thankful for the interruption.

Uncle Iroh came in carrying a tray with a steaming teapot and two cups, as well as a plate of sweet cakes.

“Good morning, Zuko,” he said as he set the tray on the small table next to the couch and took a chair opposite his nephew.

Zuko smiled and sat up straight. “Good morning, Uncle.”

The old man poured the tea for the two of them as he did every morning. They always had breakfast together now, even with Zuko still struggling to keep anything down.

“How did you sleep tonight?”

Zuko accepted the teacup his uncle was offering him, but he didn’t meet his gaze.

“Nightmares again.”

“Zuko, there’s no shame in healing from your wounds, even the ones you can’t see.”

“It’s not that– not just that.” Zuko raised his eyes to his uncle, who was drinking his tea, waiting for him to continue. “Azula’s my sister. I shouldn’t feel like this, like she’s a monster in my nightmares.”

“Is she? A monster?”

“No!” Zuko almost spilled his hot tea on himself. “Of course not.”

“Does she know that?”

Did Azula think herself a monster for all the terrible things she’d done? He didn’t know, he’d never bothered to ask. There were many things he didn’t know about his sister. He never stopped to consider her side of things, what she thought and how she felt.

He brought the cup to his lips and took a sip.

 _My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt._ Azula’s words echoed in the back of his mind. He should’ve noticed something was wrong then, but he was so caught up in his own anger that he hadn’t paid any attention to his sister.

That weekend at Ember Island with Mai and Ty Lee had been the closest they’d ever been. The four of them had argued and poured their hearts out. And then they'd burned down someone else’s house. It was fitting that Zuko and Azula getting along and working together resulted in destruction. He looked back at those memories fondly. He wanted to be that close to Azula again.

“Maybe I should tell her,” he said, and he slowly drank the rest of his tea. “Thank you for your advice, Uncle.”

The old man smiled. “You can always come to me for tea and guidance, Zuko.”

They spent the rest of the breakfast discussing administrative matters. His uncle didn’t want to burden him, but Zuko wouldn’t be kept away from work. There was a lot more to peace than ending the war, as he was now finding out. He’d neglected his duties as heir to the throne during his three years searching for the Avatar, and now he had to catch up. There was a lot to learn.

The world could not go back to the way it used to be. Too much had changed. A hundred years was a long time. Most people had been born in the war and didn’t know peace. They would have to adapt to a new reality. A better one, he hoped.

What to do with soldiers now that there was no fighting to be done? What to do with ships and weapons? What to do with hatred and anger?

None of these problems would be solved overnight. He had no idea where to start yet. But he knew what to do with the last one: he’d lead by example.

The walk to his sister’s cell wasn’t as hard as before. Pain still marked each step, but he breathed a little easier.

He wondered what Azula was thinking. She was certainly planning an escape, and he had no doubt she would succeed eventually. She was Azula after all. She succeeded at everything.

But, for now, what had his visit meant to her? She’d always hid her feelings well, but he was learning to read beneath her surface and he was sure it had meant something, even if just a little. She pretended not to, but she still cared.

The guard didn’t argue with the young Fire Lord. He just opened the door and left.

Zuko closed his eyes and breathed slowly. He hoped it would go better than last time. He entered the cell.

Just like the day before, Azula lay in the mattress, staring blankly at the ceiling. She looked worse. Paler, thinner, the circles under her eyes darker.

“Good morning, Azula.”

He sat in front of her. She didn’t bother to look at him.

“Back again so soon, Zuzu?” She sounded too tired for her usual tone.

“I told you I would.”

“Why? You apologized already.” The absence of mockery in her voice disturbed him. She said the words but there was no strength behind them. This wasn’t his sister.

“You’re not a monster, Azula.”

A hint of a smile played in the corner of her lips.

“Mother would disagree.”

“That’s not true.”

Her eyes flickered to a dark corner for a moment.

“So she says.”

 _Says?_ What did she mean? What kind of game was she playing?

“I miss her,” he said instead. He missed his mom as much as in the day she’d disappeared. A part of him had been taken away with her. “I know you miss her too.”

Azula sat up in an instant.

“How can I miss her when–” she interrupted herself. Her body trembled. Faint sparks flashed around her hands. She took a deep breath and it all went away. Her voice came out cool and measured. “It doesn’t matter anyway. She’s gone.”

He had no idea what had happened to his mother. He suspected Azula didn’t know either. Maybe she was _gone_. Or maybe they could find her together someday.

“I’m still here. It matters to me.”

She sighed and fell back on the mattress. Her eyes looked up but didn’t seem focused at all.

“Why, Zuzu? Why do you care? Why do you come here?”

“I care about you,” he said kindly. “You’re my sister.”

“We’ve never been siblings before.”

“We didn’t know how, but we can try to learn.”

Azula chuckled bitterly.

“What’s the point?”

“We need to, we need each other.” And, if he was being honest with himself, he _wanted_ it. He had no idea how much he'd wanted it until he saw Katara and Sokka together. He wanted something like what they had.

She smiled faintly.

“It’s too late for us.”

Azula was opening up. Zuko inched closer. He wanted to reach out to her, but he didn’t dare and she was too far away.

He wouldn’t accept it was too late. It wasn’t over yet. They were brother and sister, there had to be at least a little bit of something good between them.

All the mean things they’d said and done to each other came back to him. All the cruel things Azula had said and done to him. They still stung. He was still mad about them. He hadn’t forgiven her yet.

How could he not forgive his own sister? Azula deserved better, needed better. He wasn’t kind enough, patient enough, good enough to help her. He wasn’t Uncle. He was fucking everything up. Like always.

Anger stirred inside him. It was the same confusing anger that had been part of him for so long. Anger at nothing, anger at everything. It had taken some time to realize it, but he knew now that it was anger at himself, his shortcomings, his bad decisions. Azula had helped him understand that, along with Mai and Ty Lee.

She had looked for him at their old summer house. She had pulled him out of his brooding to join their friends at the beach. She had pushed him to try and understand his own all-consuming anger. Azula had been worried about him, she’d helped him. Why had it taken him this long to see that?

He smiled at the memories.

“Do you remember that weekend Ember Island?”

Azula laughed. A genuine laugh. She turned her head to look at him.

“Do you think those two idiots have any idea who burned down their house?”

“Probably not. I don’t think they’re aware of the honor of having the Fire Nation Prince and Princess wreck their party and burn their home.”

Azula laughed again. It was odd that sound made him feel so relieved and not on edge.

“I didn’t know you could be funny, Zuzu.” She turned to lay on her side. “We should pay them a visit.”

“Only after they’ve rebuilt,” he said.

His sister’s mischievous smile reflected his own. Was this what it took? Would they only get along among destruction? Maybe destruction was what they truly had in common. It was their inheritance. Ozai had made sure of that, it was the only thing he taught both his children.

“Ooooh, that would be fun. This time we should let them know who they messed with.”

“I’m sure Mai and Ty Lee–”

“No,” she said sharply. “Traitors, both of them.” Her voice became barely audible. “They left me. Even Ty Lee.”

Zuko reached out through the bars.

“Azula, I– I’m sor–”

Azula ignored his outstretched hand and turned her back to him.

“Leave me alone,” she whispered.

That was the last thing he wanted to do. She was fading, flickering in front of him. He would rather have the old Azula back, the one who conquered Ba Sing Se, the one who mocked him at every turn, the one who shot him with lightning.

He pulled his hand back and got up slowly. He knew he should go, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it yet.

“I’m going, but I’m coming back tomorrow, Azula,” he finally said on the way out. He wasn’t sure she had even heard him.

Zuko leaned against the cell door and slid to the floor. The pain in his chest flared. He hugged his knees and rested his forehead against them. His arms covered his head.

It was his fault. The Boiling Rock. Mai had turned on Azula to help him escape the prison. Ty Lee had helped her in turn. Azula had been left with no friends, betrayed by the people closest to her.

That had been the beginning, he realized. The next time he saw her, she hadn’t been quite herself. Gone was the calm and collected Azula. This version of his sister was wild and reckless, too eager to kill him. She was making too many mistakes and he had improved since he’d joined the Avatar and his friends. They’d been evenly matched.

It had barely registered with him that something was different. Only at the Agni Kai did he realize that something was _wrong_. He’d noticed it then and he’d taken advantage of it. It was such an Azula thing to do. And she was so desperate to prove herself and get her crown. She was so much like Zuko himself then. How easily they became each other.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

Meals were still an odd experience. It was bizarre to see his friends, to see the Avatar, sitting at the same dinner table his father had presided over. Now, Uncle sat at the head of the table, how Zuko thought it should be but how Iroh insisted was only until his nephew felt ready.

The weirdest thing was all the noise. Everyone chatted and laughed and argued. The Fire Lord’s table had never had space for little more than cold silences. There were certainly no arguments at that table; the Fire Lord’s word as law, both with Azulon and Ozai.

Zuko remembered sitting there, desperate to leave, terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing. Before Lu Ten passed, when he and Uncle still sat at that table, there had been jokes and stories despite Grandfather’s harsh gaze. After they were gone for the war, even his mother looked uncomfortable and Azula alternated between taking the spotlight for herself and shying away from it.

The palace’s dinner table was now a loud mess. They talked about their adventures across the world or laughed at Sokka’s jokes. For the most part, Zuko joined in, but sometimes he caught himself on the outside looking in, watching them, observing them, trying to learn that effortless joy.

He knew he didn’t quite fit in. He wasn’t sure he ever would. He wasn’t like them. There was something broken in him.

Azula wouldn’t fit in either. She was broken too. There was no casual fun in her. She failed spectacularly when she tried it. The two of them weren’t like other people, normal people, happy people. It was oddly comforting that they were in it together.

After dinner, they all sat on the patio under the starry sky. It was a warm summer night. A gentle breeze carried the sound of crickets. It was the kind of night that seemed to stretch on forever and pass all too quickly.

Iroh was the first to retire. Shortly after, Katara was shooing Aang and Toph to bed. Suki looked at the sky and kissed Sokka on the cheek before going away too. Only the two older boys remained, staring at the full moon.

Zuko didn’t want to go to bed where he knew nightmares would follow, but he couldn’t stay either. Sokka needed the time alone under the moonlight.

“I still think of her, you know,” Sokka said when Zuko shifted in his chair, about to leave.

“I’m sorry about what happened,” he replied honestly, looking at the moon, searching for a sign of the white-haired girl. “She seemed nice.”

Sokka sighed. “She was. She was nice and kind and smart and sweet and strong. So strong. She was so much.” He paused and Zuko could see his eyes shining. “She still is.”

Zuko wanted to say or do something comforting, but he’d never been good at that. He touched Sokka’s shoulder awkwardly.

“I wish I had known her.”

There was a long silence. Then Sokka blinked and shook his head, and he looked at Zuko with a mischievous grin.

“What about you and Mai?”

That was a question he didn’t want to answer. He had been avoiding asking it himself. He and Mai would have to talk at some point, but he wasn’t ready to face her yet. He suspected she wasn’t ready to see him either.

“It’s complicated.”

Sokka laughed. “It always is. But I’m pretty sure she likes you. She fought Azula for you. That has to be, like, the greatest proof of love.”

“Yeah.” Even at her lowest point, Azula was an amazing fighter. Challenging her at her peak took more than courage, it took a very good reason. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve that from Mai.

“And the other girl, Ty Lee,” Sokka rambled on, “she helped us too. We’d be so screwed if they hadn’t helped us.”

Zuko looked up at the stars. “That’s what did it for Azula,” he said before he could stop himself. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to get that off his chest until the words escaped him. Sokka was easy to talk to. “I think Mai and Ty Lee betraying her sent her off the edge.”

“No offense, man, but your sister was pretty crazy before that already.”

It was Zuko’s turn to sigh. “You don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t! Why are you defending her?” Sokka raised his arms and let them fall again. “Why do you go see her? You should just let her rot in her cell!”

Zuko turned to Sokka and looked him in the eyes.

“Wouldn’t you do the same for Katara?” he asked, pleading for Sokka to understand him.

“It’s not the same thing.” Zuko almost flinched at the icy anger in Sokka’s voice. “Katara would never do what Azula did, and she would never hurt me.”

“She wasn’t raised by Ozai,” Zuko whispered, his father’s name turning to ash in his mouth.

Sokka stared at Zuko and opened his mouth and closed it again without saying a word. His expression softened.  _ Like brother, like sister. _

“I hope you know what you’re doing, man.” He picked up his crutches and got up clumsily but still managed to give Zuko a pat on the shoulder. “Goodnight, Zuko.”

Being left alone with his thoughts wasn’t much better than nightmares. His mind kept going back to all the horrible things Azula had done, to the cave under Ba Sing Se, to the four of them at Ember Island, to the Boiling Rock prison, to the North Pole. The shame and guilt engulfed him until there was nothing left in him.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was so tired. He opened his eyes again and raised them to the moon.

_ Yue _ , he prayed silently, _ if you’re there, if you’re listening, please help me keep my nightmares away _ .

He walked slowly through the silent halls back to his room and into his bed. Maybe Yue heard him after all because he slept soundly all through the night. No dreams, no nightmares.

When he woke up with the first rays of dawn, he felt fresh and rested. The pain in his chest wasn’t gone, but it was growing duller. Breathing wasn’t such a struggle anymore and he could move and walk more easily.  _ Thank you, Yue _ .

It was going to be a busy day, like all the others, but he was ready for it. It was going to be a good day.

He stretched as far as the pain would let him and bathed in the light coming through his balcony. He felt the power of the sun running through his body. A small flame flickered in his open hand.

Katara came to work on his wound. The cool water soothed the burn and closed his flesh together. She said it was healing well, but it would leave a nasty scar. He was used to nasty scars.

Uncle visited him next. Noticing his nephew was feeling well, he brought up the pending coronation. Zuko’s condition had delayed it, but, in truth, he didn’t want to do it either. It would make it final and official. It would make him Fire Lord. It had been his destiny since birth, but he wasn’t ready. He had made so many stupid mistakes. What if he fucked up again? He didn’t want to fail his people. The throne was a duty and an honor he wasn’t good enough to deserve.

Someone else should be in charge. But Uncle wouldn’t do it and Zuko couldn’t let Azula step up. It fell on Zuko’s shoulders. He folded the argument and they settled on a date. Uncle would take care of the preparations.

After breakfast, Zuko visited Azula. Things had been going so well and then, the wrong word, and she’d slipped back away from him. He hoped he could pull her back.

He opened the heavy cell door and entered.

“Good morning, Azula.”

“I smiled, you know?” she said before he even took a step.

She was sitting cross-legged just beyond the metal bars, looking up at him with the same smirk of always, the same smirk that hid all her plans and tricks, the same smirk that said _ I’m smarter, stronger and better than you, and I’m gonna beat you _ . It sent a shiver down his spine. He’d wanted to see her smile again, but not like this.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“At your Agni Kai, when Father burned you and banished you,” she continued, her tone as cruel as ever. “You were always a weakling and an embarrassment. You got what you deserved.”

It was like a punch to the gut. His own sister thought him worthless. But that sister was Azula.  _ Azula always lies _ .

Fury burned inside his veins. He’d been wrong and she’d been right: Azula was a monster. She didn’t deserve his time, or his help, or his l –

“The weakling beat you at the Agni Kai,” he snarled.

She scoffed. “Only because you had that peasant’s help.”

“You only attacked her because you couldn’t defeat me. I won the Agni Kai long before Katara chained you down.”

Azula grabbed the bars and pulled herself up. There was fire in her eyes, but not anywhere else.

“You think you’re better than me, Zuzu?” she yelled. “You’re not even on my league!”

“Goodbye, Azula,” he spat.

Zuko closed the door behind him. He leaned against it and slid to the floor.

_ What just happened? _ Yesterday they’d been laughing together. Now they were back at each other’s throats. How had it gone so bad so fast?

He’d thought they were doing well. Azula hadn’t treated him like an enemy. They’d talked. Not about the obvious, not about what mattered, but about simple things, casual things, like he’d seen Katara and Sokka do a thousand times. They’d bonded. Or so he’d thought.

Why? Why had she said that? Why did she have to ruin everything? It didn’t make sense. She should be using him, not pushing him away. It would be smarter to play his heartstrings. It would be exactly the kind of thing Azula would do. And it would be so easy. He’d always been soft. Too soft. She could convince him to let her go.

He got up slowly. Azula was sobbing on the other side of the door. Part of him wanted to go back and check on her, comfort her, hug her. The other part reminded him of what she’d said. It broke his heart, but he walked away.

The rest of the day was filled with meetings with generals and nobles. Zuko loathed them all. They had supported and profited from the war, either by exploiting the land and resources in the colonies or by selling goods to the war effort. None of them were happy with his decision to end it, and they tried to dissuade him or undermine him at every turn. He wished he could get rid of them, but he knew it would turn the Fire Nation upside down. It didn't need any more instability right now.

Zuko was thankful for Uncle’s presence in those meetings. The old general was an expert in the art of war, but he also understood peace better than most. He helped his nephew deal with the petty, greedy nobles and the war-obsessed generals, the Earth Kingdom dignitaries, and even his own disgruntled citizens.

As the last meeting ended, Zuko watched the men bow in fake deference and leave. He wondered if any  – how many  – were plotting against him. Most wanted to restore Ozai to the throne, surely, even without his bending. Others would prefer Azula, even if they knew of her current condition. Maybe some would overthrow the royal family altogether and sit on the throne themselves. Anything would be better than a traitorous banished prince and his promises of peace.

Zuko sighed.

“I can’t stand these people,” he told Uncle, who sat next to him.

“Nephew, you must be patient. Change takes time. They’ll learn to accept it.”

Zuko got up. His legs were cramping from sitting for hours and craved movement. He stretched, forcing his muscles out of his stiff position. His chest hurt, a now-familiar ache.

“I hope so. Or we’ll be dealing with a revolt.”

The two of them headed for the doors. Outside, some of the nobles had gathered in small groups. Others had been in a hurry to leave. Next to a column, Mai’s parents were talking in hushed voices, accompanied by their daughter.

When she noticed him, Mai’s mother nudged her discreetly. The girl turned and approached Zuko.

Uncle winked at him and disappeared.

“Good evening, your Majesty. May I have the honor of a moment with you?” Her face was blank and her voice flat. She was the proper highborn girl her parents had raised, but Zuko recognized the private joke.

He smiled. It was a good start for a difficult conversation. And he missed her more than he’d realized.

“Of course. Walk with me?”

They didn’t speak until they left the war room and the nobles far behind. For once, they would get some privacy away from court scheming and intrigue.

Zuko led them to the palace gardens. It would always be his favorite place here. Its beauty never failed to leave him in awe and he always felt at peace surrounded by the bird songs and the old trees and the sweet scent of grass.

“We have a lot to talk about,” he said, looking at Mai, not sure if he’d get to see a reaction.

“I’d rather we didn’t.” She stared at the turtle-ducklings playing in a pond, purposefully ignoring his eyes. “You know I’m not good at expressing my feelings.”

He nodded.

“I understand, and I won’t push you. But we’ll have to talk about it at some point.”

“At some point,” she agreed, then turned to him. “How have you been?”

“I’m getting a lot better. Katara’s been healing the wound.” He rubbed his chest absent-mindedly. “And you? I’m sorry about the trouble I got you into at the Boiling Rock.”

“It was my choice, Zuko. The one time I actually chose for myself.”

Mai, the perfect, obedient daughter. The one moment she rebelled, she did it for him.

“And this?” he asked, remembering the way her mother had looked at him. “Is it you or your parents?”

There was a hint of a smile on Mai’s lips. She was letting her mask slip, and that was how he knew their pieces were falling back into place.

“When you were banished I wasn’t even allowed to mention your name. When you ran away it was even worse. Now they want me to marry you.” She put a hand on his chest, careful not to get near his wound. “But this is all me.”

Zuko wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close. He leaned in and waited for Mai to go the rest of the way. She kissed him softly. The rest of the world fell away around them.

The kiss ended as it began and Mai smiled at him. It was the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen.

“Would you?” he whispered. “Marry me?”

She quirked an eyebrow.

“Are you proposing, Zuko?”

“Would you say yes?”

Mai pulled away.

“Not yet.”

She grabbed his hand. They said nothing as they walked through the garden, just enjoying each other’s company. It was such a simple thing and yet Zuko hadn’t felt so good in weeks. When he was with Mai, the rest of the world  – his responsibilities, the future  – didn’t seem so daunting.

They stopped near a pond watching the sunset. The bright yellows and oranges shimmered on the water. As the first stars appeared in the darkening sky, they started back.

“What will you tell your parents?”

“That it’s none of their business. I’m tired of living according to their plan.”

He wasn’t the only one who’d changed significantly in the last few months. Mai was changing too. They were both changing for the better. Uncle would probably call it growing up.

“You’ll run away to join the circus next,” he joked.

“It made Ty Lee happy, didn’t it?”

He laughed, picturing deadpan Mai entertaining a cheering crowd with a knife-throwing act.

“How is she, by the way?” He hadn’t thanked Ty Lee properly yet. She’d done it for Mai, but she’d saved their lives too.

“She’s friends with the Kyoshi Warriors now.” Mai rolled her eyes. “She joined them.”

Zuko hadn’t expected that. What had happened to not wanting to be “part of a matched set”? Change was coming for them all and it was coming fast.

“She came a long way,” he said. “We all did.”

So much had happened in the past year and they couldn’t have foreseen any of it. They had wound up in such different places from where they'd started.

“We are not who we used to be. You. Me. Ty Lee. Azula.”

That stopped him in his tracks. The mention of his sister made his stomach tie in a knot. What happened that morning came back to him. He just wanted to set something on fire. She was a monster and she was wrong. Why was he still so upset? He shouldn’t care about what she said or what she thought off him. He should forget about her. She didn’t deserve any better.

Mai touched his arm.

“Zuko, are you okay?”

He told her what happened. Nobody else knew yet. Not even Uncle. Zuko wasn’t ready to hear his advice. But it was different with Mai. She knew him, she knew Azula, and she knew how they were together. 

So he told her everything, from the first visit to the last.

Mai listened as they walked. Her face remained expressionless, never betraying how she felt. No surprise, no curiosity, no worry, no anger. Nothing. 

“She’s playing you, Zuko,” she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“What?”

“She wanted to hurt you. It means she has power over you.”

Of course. Power was everything to Azula. It was everything to Ozai too. All he ever wanted was to control and rule everything and everyone. His daughter was just the same, learning from her father, following in his footsteps. What else could she be but a loyal, obedient daughter, just as Zuko had been a loyal, obedient son?


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

His entire life Azula had always been ahead of him. She was a better firebender, she had their father’s affection, she was perfect at everything, and everyone loved her. All that was left for him was to try and fail, to always strive for what he couldn’t get, and to be left with nothing.

All of that was gone. She wasn’t Father’s favorite anymore. She wasn’t the Fire Princess anymore. She wasn’t a powerful, undefeated firebender anymore. She wasn’t even better than Zuko anymore. Everything that had defined Azula was gone. Who was she without it? Did she even know?

It had taken Zuko too long to realize it. He should’ve recognized the signs. He’d been through something similar.

When his father banished him, Zuko lost his home, his family, and his country. But he still had a purpose. The Fire Lord had given him a mission to redeem himself and Zuko had refused to see it for the impossible task it was. Only when Azula came for him after the disaster at the North Pole did he truly lose everything. He realized there was no hope of getting it back.

That’s where Azula was.

Zuko had decided to chase the Avatar anyway, clinging to the shreds of the promise of restoring his honor. Then he’d had a half-hearted shot at a normal life in Ba Sing Se. In the end, he betrayed Uncle, joined Azula, and returned home.

That had been a mistake that could’ve cost the world everything.

Uncle had been there for him all the way. When he was banished, sailing across the world in search of a legend, and when they roamed the Earth Kingdom, homeless and begging. Yet, Zuko had ignored his advice.

He’d had help and he’d fucked up anyway. Azula was alone. How could he expect her to do any better?

She needed help. Needed him. He’d known that since he’d seen her chained to the ground, screaming fire and sobbing. He hadn’t hesitated then, trying to be the big brother he’d never been. Now he wasn’t so sure.

Azula didn’t deserve it, so why should he help her?

Zuko hadn’t deserved it either. He’d been an ungrateful brat who’d betrayed Uncle, but the old man had still supported him and welcomed him back with open arms. It wasn’t about what Azula deserved. It was about what she needed.

Zuko had tried to be there for her. He’d have to try again. Even if she didn’t want him to.

Azula was pushing him away. Getting under his skin was all she had left. It was the only part of her that remained. It was her only way to still be ahead.

But there was more to life, more to Azula, than always winning. He’d show her that.

Zuko visited her again in the morning. The guard was expecting him, so she opened the door and left without a word.

With a sigh of relief, he sat on the stone floor and put down the tray he’d been carrying. His wound had complained at that simple effort.

Azula lay in the mattress with her eyes closed, the sun shining on her face. She wasn’t sleeping.

“What are you doing here?” she asked sharply.

He poured the tea. His hands trembled with the weight of the teapot.

“I brought breakfast.”

She hadn’t been eating. Maybe he could convince her to have something. He half expected her to throw the tea in his face and set the sweet cakes on fire.

“Thank you, Zuzu. Did you make it yourself?” she sneered.

“No, I’m not a very good cook.” He pushed a cup through the bars. “Or tea-maker.”

Azula snorted and opened her eyes. She got up slowly and sat in front of him, not touching the cup.

“I’m surprised the old man didn’t teach you that. Too busy playing Pai Sho?”

He sipped the tea. Uncle had made it at his request. It was delicious.

“There are things you just aren’t good at.”

“You would know, wouldn’t you?”

He took a deep breath. She was right, but he couldn’t let her words get to him. He was terrible at a lot of things, but he always tried his best and he couldn’t do any more than that. Maybe one day he’d get it right. Maybe he never would. It would be okay either way.

Azula needed to see that too.

“So would you.”

She glared at him. He ignored it and took a small bite from a cake.

“I’m not a failure like you!” she snapped.

He pushed the plate gently in her direction.

“No, on the contrary. You’re a conqueror. Ba Sing Se fell to you.” _Not even Uncle managed that_. His sister was indeed a brilliant strategist.

Azula brought the teacup to her lips. Peace crossed her face for a second as she tasted it. Then it was gone.

“Breakfast and flattery. What do you want, Zuzu?”

_I want you to not fade away._

“Breakfast with my sister.” It was true. He wanted the simple things between brother and sister like casually having breakfast together.

She picked a pastry and nibbled on it. “Well, these are quite good. And I’m great company.”

“Then why did you banish the cook? I had to bring her back.” Along with everyone else.

Zuko had talked with the servants. They’d told him about his sister’s behavior on the day of Sozin’s comet. She’d been acting oddly lately, harsher than usual, but after the Fire Lord left for his final battle, she became outright erratic. That was when the banishments started. A small mistake was enough and sometimes even no mistake at all. If he could get her to tell him about it…

Azula waved a hand dismissively. “I don’t remember her in particular, but she would’ve betrayed me. Sooner or later.”

_Like you did_ , he heard, even if she didn’t say it. He swallowed.

“The poor woman was just doing her job.”

“Perhaps. But I couldn’t leave it to chance. She couldn’t be trusted.”

Guilt gnawed at him. Of course. His sister was obsessed with people betraying her. She’d been betrayed before. By him. And by her friends because of him.

At least she was talking to him. She was opening up. Slowly. That was a small victory he hadn’t dared hope for.

“What about Li and Lo or your Dai Li? They couldn’t be trusted either?”

“Of course not. No one can,” she said as if explaining the obvious to a small child.

“They followed you.”

“They _feared_ me,” she corrected. Then she murmured, more to herself than to him, “Fear is the only reliable way.”

The voice was Azula’s, but the words were Ozai’s. It was the kind of thing the Fire Lord had taught his children. Zuko had never been much of a learner, but Azula was a perfect student. She had a lifetime of terrible lessons to unlearn. How could Zuko help her if he was still struggling with his own?

“You know fear doesn’t work.” _Or you wouldn’t have banished them all_.

She raised an eyebrow. “What does work, then?” she challenged.

He picked up his cup with both hands and drank, searching for Uncle's words in the tea in the tea he'd made. “Love, friendship–”

The cake crumbled inside Azula’s closed fist. “Friends will stab you in the back!”

That was true. He’d betrayed Uncle, who had always loved and supported him. Yet, the old man had fought for him, hoping he would turn himself around. Zuko realized that was all anyone could do: hope.

“Well, that can happen.” The calm in his voice surprised him. Was it the tea? “It’s a risk you gotta take.”

“I don’t take risks,” she declared.

No, she didn’t. Everything Azula did was calculated and an assured success. She was perfect at everything and she was always in control. If she weren’t, she’d be open to failure. Failure wasn’t an option for the Fire Lord’s children.

Zuko was well acquainted with the consequences. Azula not so much.

He put down his now empty cup.

“So give it a try.”

She laughed and took another cake from the plate. “I can’t take many risks locked up in a cell.”

He expected her to go on. To try and talk her way out, persuade him that she shouldn’t be locked up in a cell. But she didn’t.

“Trust me,” he dared.

It was hypocritical of him to ask that. He didn’t trust _her_. Neither of them had a great track-record in trustworthiness.

Her eyes narrowed as she searched his face for a tell. The silence stretched on between them.

Zuko didn’t actually think she’d say yes. It was his first shot at her walls. He’d have to earn her trust, but asking couldn’t hu–

“Okay,” she finally said, and her expression relaxed.

His eyes went wide. Had he heard her right?

“I… hum, so–”

“I’m full.” Azula pushed her empty cup and the plate away.

Zuko took the hint. He put everything back on the tray and lifted it up with a groan.

“See you tomorrow, Azula.”

“Goodbye, little Zuzu.”

With his hands busy, he shut the door with his foot. His chest hurt, but it wasn’t as hard as he’d thought it would be. He was getting back his strength.

Then he heard the door click shut of its own accord.

“Is this Azula’s version of a life-changing field trip with you?”

Zuko almost dropped the tray. Toph was leaning on the wall to his left.

“What–?!”

“Or are you planning on letting her out?” Doubt and accusation mingled in her voice.

“No! I just–”

Just what? What was he gonna say? He’d said it a dozen times before. Azula was his sister and he’d fight for her. They’d both been raised by Ozai. They both had his darkness. They’d both made mistakes. He was working to amend his. She deserved a chance at it too.

His friends didn’t understand. He knew that. They didn’t know what it was like and he couldn’t explain it to them. It was beyond words. It was part of him and part of his sister.

He needed them to trust him. He wanted their support.

They headed back to his chambers. This was not a conversation to be had in the corridors, where the walls had ears. Zuko didn’t want to hide that he visited his sister, even if he could stop the inevitable rumors. But he didn’t want to discuss it openly either. Their relationship was a private matter, and he especially didn’t want whispers about Azula’s… state.

Toph took the last cake from his tray and shoved it whole in her mouth.

“Thanks, Hotshot!” she said with her mouth full as she punched his arm. He almost dropped the tray again.

Her heavy footsteps echoed in the hallways while his fell silently. Light feet were a useful skill if one needed to rescue someone from an enemy stronghold or walk around home without being noticed by his father. Azula’s steps were light too.

When they reached his room, Toph opened the door for him. He put the tray on a table and she sprawled on the couch, one foot down on the floor. Zuko sat on the small corner she had left him.

“She’s scary,” Toph said. If she was admitting it at all, it meant she found Azula terrifying. “And I can’t read her.”

“What do you mean?”

Was something wrong with Azula? With her heartbeat? Was she ill?

“On the day of the invasion, we were looking for the Fire Lord and Azula was stalling us.” He already knew that. The group had discussed the Day of Black Sun a lot: who’d been where, when and doing what, how Azula had found out... “We knew she was lying, but I couldn’t _tell_.” She tapped her foot on the floor. “She’s too good. Her heartbeat was always calm and steady.”

_Azula always lies_.

“She’s got a lot of practice.”

“But now, it’s the other way around. Her heartbeat is all over the place. It’s always changing. Sometimes it’s normal, sometimes it’s really fast, and I can’t tell which bumps are lies.”

“You think she’s sick?”

Was it serious? Would Katara be able to help? Would she even want to after everything that'd happened?

“I think she’s _unstable_.” That wasn’t news. Toph sat up straighter. “And dangerous.” That wasn’t news either. Did his friends think he was an idiot?

_You have to be an idiot to be doing this_ , said a voice in the back of his mind. Zuko ignored it.

“I know that,” he said, looking out the window, “but–”

The room was shaken by an earthquake.

“She tried to kill you!” Toph yelled. “If you die, I… I– Who’s gonna be Aang’s firebending teacher?”

“She’s my sister. I gotta try,” he asserted.

“Sokka and Katara are brother and sister. You and Azula are enemies!”

He shifted in his seat, pulling his knees against his chest.

That same thought had crossed his mind before. He knew it was true. But it hurt so much more to hear it from someone else, to see it confirmed. It made the idea more real and definite. Like something that couldn’t be changed.

Zuko had spent the last three years refusing to see what was right in front of him. He could keep doing it.

“We’re more alike than you think,” he said.

For most of his life, he’d believed they couldn’t be any more different. Lately, he was beginning to see the similarities.

Toph shot up and stood in front of him.

“Are you serious?! She almost killed Aang!”

_Would I have done the same?_ He’d never tried it when he had the chance. His mission was to capture the Avatar. If his orders had been to kill him, would he? Zuko was horrified to realize he didn’t know the answer.

“You weren’t there this winter, but I’m sure the others told you about it. About me.” _About what I’ve done._

“It’s not the same!” she barked.

“It pretty much is!” Smoke came out of his nose as he jumped to his feet.

“Fine! You wanna get killed by the Psycho Queen, go ahead!”

She stomped out. The palace trembled with each of her steps.

Zuko leaned back on the couch with an exasperated sigh. He covered his face with his hands.

_What am I doing?_ Toph had defended him when the others wouldn’t even listen to him. She’d been on his side from the beginning. She was his friend. And now he’d gotten her angry at him over Azula. Azula, who’d always tried to make him fail, who’d always been against him, who’d always been cruel to him. Who'd tried to kill him.

_What’s wrong with me?_


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was not unusual for a firebender to dream about fire. The elements were a huge part of a bender’s identity and so they often came to them in dreams. For some, those dreams were an inspiration, some used it to learn or practice, and, to others it was a journey of self-discovery. For Zuko, those dreams were often nightmares.

Uncle had taught him how to recognize them. So when he found himself surrounded by flames, he knew they weren’t real.

He didn’t know where he was. Most of the time his dreams were set somewhere in the palace or, on rare occasions more recently, on his ship as it blew up. This time he was in a small village and fire burned in every building.

Screams sounded all around him. People ran from all directions, fleeing their destroyed homes or trying to save whatever was left. Clashes of fighting came from everywhere. A crash startled Zuko as a burning house fell under its own weight.

A komodo rhino crossed his path. Its rider shot a fireblast at a running woman. Zuko watched in petrified horror as more rhinos followed, chasing villagers and leaving nothing but wreckage in their wake.

Zuko ran towards them. He punched, but no fire came out. He jumped on the nearest beast and kicked off the soldier riding it. Zuko tugged the reins and his rhino knocked another soldier with its tail before a fireblast threw him to the dirt.

Far away, he heard a voice that made his blood curdle.

He got up and followed it, running as fast as his legs would carry him. The fire burned hotter as he got closer. There were no buildings left standing. The people were gone. Smoke rose to the sky and ash covered everything.

Finally, Zuko saw the soldier. He wore no faceplate with his helmet. His scar was unmistakable.

Younger Zuko was fighting three women in long green dresses and thick make-up. He fire-kicked one into a burning wooden post that collapsed on her. Another girl aimed a kick at him. He dodged and threw her against the side of a building. The last one charged him with her golden fans. Fire daggers flashed in his fists.

Zuko put himself between them. He took a blow from his younger self on his flank and fell on his knees. The girl took advantage of it and threw the boy to the floor and knocked him out.

“Are you alright?”

Zuko barely recognized her with the make-up on.

He nodded and Suki ran to the girl under the beam. Zuko followed her.

The girl was coughing. Blood dribbled down her mouth. Her eyes were wide and glassy.

Suki knelt beside her and pushed away the broken wood. She held the other girl’s face between her hands.

“Sokka? Look at me!” she pleaded. “You’re gonna be fine!”

_Sokka?!_ Zuko looked beyond the white and red paint and saw his friend’s features. It didn’t make sense. He wasn’t a Kyoshi Warrior.

_Remember: you’re dreaming_

Sokka coughed. More blood. His eyes fixed on Suki for a moment. He coughed again. Then he stopped.

Zuko’s world was spinning. No, no, no, no. It couldn’t be. Sokka couldn’t be dead. Zuko couldn’t have killed him. No, no, no...

_It’s just a dream_

He opened his eyes with a strangled “no” on his lips. His heart was beating hard and fast against his ribcage as if it would break it. A cold sweat covered his body and he shivered.

It was just a dream. Sokka was fine. He’d played Pai Sho with Uncle and told bad jokes all night. It hadn’t happened. The attack on Kyoshi Island hadn’t been like that.

Or had it? Zuko had set the entire village on fire. He’d been so focused on finding the Avatar that he hadn’t thought about what happened to the villagers. Someone could’ve gotten hurt. He vaguely remembered fighting the Kyoshi warriors. What if one of them was d–? What if he’d k–?

The thought made him gag and he ran to the washroom. The memory of Sokka dying in Suki’s arms replayed in his head until there was nothing left in his stomach.

Zuko stood up and looked at himself in the mirror under the small flame in his hand. Tangled dark hair. Pale, clammy skin. A dark circle under his good eye and the bad one narrower than usual. Harsh shadows played on his face – its sharp edges and red scar – and made him look sinister, cruel, evil.

Was he any of those things? After everything he’d done, maybe he was all of them.

There was only one person who understood _why_ he’d done it. He had to see her.

His flame was the only light in the dark, crimson hallways. The deathly silence made him feel like he was the only one left in existence, walking a quiet, deserted world. All alone. For eternity.

The guard at the door was dozing off. He didn’t have the energy or the will to reprimand her, so he just asked her to unlock the door and leave. She could spend the rest of the night in a bed.

He heard Azula’s voice. Who was she talking too?

Zuko opened the door. He gave more life to his fire so it pushed the darkness to the corners of the cell. Azula was alone and no one could’ve been at her window.

She stopped pacing and turned to him. Her eyes were red and she was trembling slightly.

“Zuzu? Couldn’t wait till morning to see me?”

He stepped inside. “You were talking to someone.”

His sister rolled her eyes. “Yeah, myself.” She gestured at the emptiness of her cell. “Who else?”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Why aren’t _you_?”

He wanted to talk to her. Desperately. She was the only one who knew what it was like. No one else did. Not his friends. Not Mai. Not even Uncle.

But talking with Azula was never easy. She always played her mind games, and lately even getting a simple conversation out of her was a fight. Right now what he needed was to be honest and open. They’d only done that once.

Zuko ran a hand through his hair and sighed. This was it. He sat on the cold stone floor with his back against the wall, as close to the bars as possible. His hands rested on his knees, the fire burning between them.

“I had a nightmare,” he said, focusing on the dance of his flame.

“And your dear Uncle wasn’t available at this time of night?”

Uncle was always available. But it wasn’t Uncle who he wanted this time.

“I set fire to a village. People got hurt,” he continued in a flat tone. If he allowed himself to feel anything he was going to be sick again. “Someone died.” _I killed someone. I killed Sokka_.

His sister sat on the other side of the bars, only an arm’s length away.

“It’s just a dream, dum-dum,” she comforted. “The village is still standing, everybody’s fine, and nobody died.”

He shook his head. The fire in his hand shifted.

“No, this really happened when I was chasing the Avatar. Not this bad. I don’t think anybody got hurt, but I don’t know. I didn’t care,” he blurted out. “Nothing mattered but catching the Avatar.”

“So Father would restore your honor,” she murmured. “What an ungrateful bastard.”

His mouth fell open and he turned his head to Azula. She slumped against the wall, her golden eyes far away.

Had she just said something against Father? It was worse than he’d thought. Something was truly wrong with his sister.

“Azula?”

“He sends you to do his bidding. You do everything he asks. You’re perfect. But when the time comes, he’ll cast you aside anyway.” She wasn’t talking to him anymore.

Something had happened. Ozai had done something to her. If he’d hurt her, his loyal, obedient daughter, Zuko would step into his cell right now and burn him till his bones turned to ash.

He grabbed the bars and pulled himself closer. His free hand rested beside her, the other held the flame between them.

“What happened?”

Azula blinked a few times as if waking up from a dream. She glanced at him then looked away.

“During Sozin’s comet, I was supposed to accompany Father to the Earth Kingdom. It was my idea, after all. But he ordered me to stay here. Like a child. Like yo–” She shifted and hugged her knee. “He named me Fire Lord, and I fell for it like a child tricked into eating her vegetables. As if I’d have any power with him as Phoenix King.” She paused again, her eyes flickering to a dark corner of her cell. “Then he left me behind.”

Azula was truly alone. Even Father had deserted her, before being defeated by Aang. The man she’d idolized her whole life had used her for her skill and cunning, only to discard her when she was no longer needed and collect all the glory for himself.

It was a betrayal he understood well.

“Father _is_ an ungrateful bastard,” Zuko agreed, “and we… we owe him nothing. We have nothing to prove to him. I restored my own honor, and you…”

“And I what?” she prompted mockingly when words failed him.

He put his hand over hers and waited for her to pull away. When she didn’t, he continued, “You can be whatever you want.”

She chuckled, but it was empty. “There’s not much I can be locked up in here.”

A voice inside his head told him this was a trick. Azula wanted him to feel sorry for her and free her. But when Zuko looked at his sister he saw someone broken, something that couldn’t be faked, something he’d been and still was.

He wanted to give her an answer, but he didn't have the right words. They had never been his strong suit and he needed them now more than ever.

At his lowest point, Uncle had been there for him. Zuko wanted to be there for Azula.

After they’d lost everything, Zuko and Uncle had traveled the Earth Kingdom, only to end up in Ba Sing Se. Uncle could lead a happy life there with his own teashop, but to Zuko, it had felt like a prison. He’d wanted something else. What he’d always wanted was out of reach. He hadn’t known how to fill that void except by keeping on fighting for it. It was who he was and he hadn’t known how to be any different.

That was no way to live. He’d suffered all the way through that lesson.

What had Uncle said to him then?

“You have plenty of time to think about who you are and what you want for yourself.”

“I know who I am.” She pulled her hand away. “I’m Fire Princess Azula, daughter of _Ursa_ and Fire Lord Ozai.”

“But who are you besides that?” he asked. “Who are you when you’re not a princess bullying everyone around you? Or showing-off how perfect you are at everything? Or fighting in a war?” _Who are you besides Father’s little girl?_

Azula rolled her eyes. “That is who I am. I’m the perfect princess who conquers cities and puts the servants in their place,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Is that who you want to be?”

“I know what I want.” The certainty in her voice was just as fragile as she was. “And so do you.”

Yes, he knew. She wanted the throne. She wanted to rule. She wanted power.

“But do you know why?”

Zuko was really channeling Uncle. He was only missing the tea.

Doubt flickered across Azula’s face, but it could’ve been a trick of the light. She waved her hand and lay back on her mattress. Her eyes stared at the ceiling and, sometimes, at a corner of the cell.

“I want it, I’ll have it. It doesn’t matter why.”

“It matters now.”

Azula closed her eyes and said nothing. Zuko focused on her breathing instead of his own. It was slow but trying very hard to be even. He remembered what Toph had said about her heart. Perhaps it was connected.

The first rays of sunlight entered through the window. She breathed a little deeper, maybe a little calmer as well.

It was late. Zuko had spent most of the night awake here, talking and arguing. He was exhausted but not more than his nightmare had left him.

He put out his flame and stretched as he got up.

“Goodbye, Azula.”

His sister turned to the sun, giving him her back. “Bye, Zuzu.”

Zuko sighed. It felt like they’d made some progress, but he couldn’t be sure. With Azula, he could take one step forward and ten steps back. She could always stop talking to him. Or be cruel. Or attack him.

He didn’t want to fear his sister, but he did. Even with her half-broken and locked in a cell.

When he opened the door, Katara was waiting for him. If this was becoming a habit for his friends, he didn’t like it.

“Morning, Zuko,” she greeted with a kind smile. She was carrying her pouch and her bag of supplies. At least she wasn’t here to chew him out like Toph had.

“Hey.” He returned the smile as they started back.

“Stopped by your room. Thought I’d find you here.”

Katara always woke up early to seem him. Too early for someone who rose with the moon. He wondered if it was always nightmares that woke her as they awoke him, or if it was duty, or maybe both.

“I had a nightmare.”

It was so easy to be honest with Katara. He wanted to do that with Azula too.

“And you came to your sister?”

Zuko shrugged. “She would understand.”

Katara adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder. “Was it about your father?”

It was not the first time they talked about his nightmares. When he’d joined the group, he hadn’t been able to hide that he woke up screaming almost every night, dreaming about his father. Sometimes the others had nightmares too. Katara about her mother or Aang getting struck by Azula’s lightning. Sokka about his sister or the battles ahead. Toph about not feeling the ground beneath her feet. Aang about the day he’d run away or the day he’d face the Fire Lord. Suki about the Fire Nation invading Kyoshi Island.

Zuko wondered if he showed up in her dreams.

He shook his head. “No, it was something else. I– It’s hard to explain.”

Katara touched his arm. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”

He opened the door to his room and they entered. Katara laid out her supplies on a table while he took off his shirt. She unwrapped the bandages with gentle fingers. It still hurt when she touched the wound. It was still tender, but it didn’t feel like she was tearing it open anymore.

When the cold water touched him, he sighed. It felt so good. He drew the courage to look down. The wound was closed, the promised scar marring his skin.

“Is it healed?” he asked.

“It closed yesterday,” she replied, focused on the glowing water in her hands. “But I’m trying to go deeper so it will hurt less or not at all.”

His fingers brushed his old scar. That wound had taken much longer to heal, not days but weeks. He’d spent the entire time fearing he’d lost his sight on his left eye. It hadn’t occurred to him what he’d look like until the bandage came off and he saw the angry, red, leathery skin narrowing his eye. He’d wept then, mourning the boy he’d been and could never be again.

It was different now. Uncle was still by his side, but now he also had friends to support him. He had Katara to help him heal. Zuko had refused to fight his father and been cruelly punished for it, but he’d faced his sister for his people and sacrificed himself for another. Pain and a scar were a small price to pay.

“It feels really good now,” he said. “It takes the pain away.”

Katara wasn’t pulling the edges together anymore, and the cold water soothed his warm skin.

“I’m glad. If I had water from the Spirit Oasis, maybe I could–” she trailed off.

It was his fault she didn’t have any more water of the Spirit Oasis. If he hadn’t betrayed her and Uncle and sided with Azula, Katara wouldn’t have had to use it to bring back Aang. And yet, she would still use it on him if she had it, even after he fought against her shortly after her first offer.

He touched her wrist. She looked up with her deep blue eyes.

“You’re doing more than enough. I can handle a new scar and some pain.” He smiled again. “Thank you, Katara.”

Katara smiled back and returned the water to her pouch. She put her supplies away in her bag without bandaging the wound again.

“Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Toph?”

Zuko fumbled with putting his shirt back on.

After their argument, Toph and Zuko hadn’t spoken again. Toph refused to even acknowledge him. It had been obvious they were mad at each other, but the others hadn’t said a thing, not even Sokka.

Now Katara would have her say in it. She would mediate all arguments and keep everyone together. She was their glue.

Zuko thrust his arm through a sleeve and got stuck. He’d somehow pulled at his scar and now it hurt as if it had reopened. He groaned.

“We argued.”

“About?” Katara stared at him with her hands on her hips. Her stern gaze pushed him to continue.

“Azula.”

She sighed and helped him with his shirt. “I guess it was serious, then.”

“Yeah, it was.” He ran a hand through his hair. He hated that he’d argued with Toph and he didn’t know how to fix it. “We never fought before.”

Katara put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“You’ll work it out.”

He wasn’t so sure.

“She’s been acting like I don’t even exist.”

“That’s because it’s Toph and she’s pissed at you,” Katara said, waving her hand. “She’ll come around and you two will talk and sort things out.”

Zuko hoped so. He didn’t want to lose his friend.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied, walking out the door.

After Katara left, Zuko filled the tub in his washroom. He tried to heat the water, but it was barely tepid. A cold bath, then. He stripped and entered the tub. It wasn’t the relaxing moment he would’ve wanted to untie the tension in his muscles and wash away the troubles from his mind.

He closed his eyes. This was not the coldest water he’d been in. He’d felt the inescapable cold then, but it hadn’t mattered. That was a memory of someone he didn’t want to be anymore. He wanted to be someone who cared.

The orchid-lily scented soap was slowly dissolving in the water, filling it with foam. Zuko picked it up and scrubbed himself with it. Gone was the sweat of nightmares and the weariness of long days and sleepless nights. If only his fears and doubts would be gone as well.

Refreshed, Zuko got out of the tub and put on fresh clothes. He left a note for Uncle, telling him where to find him.

It was still early, but the sun was already shining through open arcs of the outer hallways. Busy servants crossed his way, stopping to bow to the Fire Lord who wasn’t sure how to reply but with a simple greeting.

He headed for the courtyard. It had been severely damaged during his Agni Kai with Azula and reconstruction had only just started. Yet, the square was mostly intact.

Eight green-clad figures in full make-up were sparring, some with fans and others in hand-to-hand combat. After his dream, he had no trouble recognizing Suki fighting with another girl.

Ty Lee was there was well, but he wouldn’t have recognized her if not for her braid. She noticed him and waved excitedly at him from afar. He smiled and waved back. What did she see in his aura today?

But that was not why he was here.

“Hey, Suki!” he called.

Her partner attacked. Without missing a beat, Suki grabbed the girl’s arm and dropped to the ground, throwing the girl over her shoulder with her own momentum.

Zuko had seen her fight before at the Boiling Rock prison and at Ember Island when she and Sokka practiced together. They’d even had a no-bending-allowed friendly match once. But he still never failed to be impressed by her skill.

Suki extended her hand to the other girl and pulled her up. They exchanged some words Zuko couldn’t hear from the distance, and she came towards him.

It was unsettling seeing her in this attire. The Suki he knew was a girl, but this one was a woman. Fierce and powerful. She looked so much like the pictures he’d seen of Avatar Kyoshi that he half-expected her to split the earth apart with her fans.

“Hey, Zuko!” She smiled at him, but the look in her eyes told him she was surprised to see him there. He was surprised too. “Are you looking for Sokka? He’s still in bed.” Her blush was barely visible under the white paint.

“No. I’m–” He brushed his hair off his face What could he say to the girl whose village he’d burned? “Can we talk?”

Suki frowned. She folded her fan and tucked it in her belt.

“Of course,” she replied, untying her head peace. She wiped the sweat with her sleeve. “What’s wrong?”

“Huh, I wanna talk about Kyoshi Island.”

She stood up straighter. Her body was tense and her hand fidgeted with her belt. Suddenly the last weeks had gone up in smoke. They were back at the first time they'd met. She was a warrior from Kyoshi Island, sworn to protect her village, and he was a Fire Nation invader.

“What about it?” she asked dryly.

Zuko twisted his hands, trying to find the right words.

“When I… When I attacked, did anyone get _hurt_?”

“Just some bruises and some bruised egos.

He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. A weight was lifted from his shoulders, but it wasn’t enough.

“But the village… it burned down.”

Suki nodded solemnly. “Yes.”

“I wanna help you. Rebuild, I mean.”

“We already have,” she said, crossing her arms.

“Oh! Huh... I… I still wanna help. Make up for what I’ve done.”

He’d caused so much destruction in his search for the Avatar. It was time he started fixing his own mistakes.

“We’re fine.” Suki smiled, and her postured relaxed. “But there are many others hurt by the war. Help them. Make the world a better place.”

Song and her mother came to mind. Young Li and his family too. The hundreds and hundreds of refugees huddled together in the lower ring of Ba Sing Se. So many lives had been ruined by him and his family. It was time to fix the Fire Nation’s mistakes too

“Thank you, Suki.”

She took him by the arm and looked him in the eye, certainty burning in her own.

“You’re gonna make a good Fire Lord, Zuko.”

He hoped so. He was trying to.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was the day of his coronation. Everything was ready. The kitchens were preparing the banquets. The courtyard was being decorated for the occasion, its reconstruction still unfinished, proving that an Agni Kai for the throne had been fought there. 

The celebrations had already begun in the streets. Loud music reached the palace at all hours since the previous day and fireworks could be seen at night. His people were happy. 

The palace was full of noble guests. People had come from all corners of the Fire Nation, aristocracy and common folk alike. Some had even come from other parts of the world to see the first Fire Lord after the war. 

Everything was set. The Prince had healed and recovered. 

Zuko just wasn’t sure _he_ was ready. But if he kept waiting, he would never be. 

The coronation was still hours away. That gave him plenty of time for the two things he had to do today. First: fix things with Toph. He wouldn’t be mad at his friend during his first day as Fire Lord. Second: tell Azula. 

A scream sounded through the hallway. Without thinking, Zuko ran towards it. 

What was happening? An attack? A revolt? Was anybody hurt? 

Another scream followed. Then shouting and laughter. 

Zuko ran faster. He finally reached the courtyard. 

Toph was in the middle of the square. Her back was turned to him, but she’d know he was there. She held a wide stance and shifted her hands. The ground trembled and stone pillars rose beneath the servants working there. 

“What’s going on?” Zuko asked. 

“I’m helping with the decorations, Hotshot,” Toph declared as if telling him that water was wet. 

A servant giggled at the nickname. Zuko glared at the man, who quickly looked away and focused on his work. Toph’s columns allowed him and the others to reach the top of the high walls more easily. 

“And the screaming?” 

Toph straightened and walked up in his direction. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

“Some people have poor balance. No one’s hurt,” she added. 

Toph was talking to him and she had called him that embarrassing nickname. She couldn’t be that mad at him anymore. 

Zuko had wanted to talk to her and now here she was. He hadn’t actually planned what to say. 

“I wanna talk to you,” he began, “about the other day.” 

Toph stomped her foot and two small benches appeared from the earth. She sat and Zuko followed her. 

“I went to Iroh for advice.” 

That was the smart thing to do. He should’ve done that. Lately, all he and Uncle ever talked about was the impending coronation, the endless meetings, and how to fix the mess at the colonies. The soldiers had been called home, but the civilians were another matter altogether. How could he ask them to leave the only home they’d ever known for a country they’d never seen? How could they stay in a land that wasn’t theirs and that they’d taken by force? 

Work was always on his mind these days. 

“What did my uncle say?” 

“He said that we have to let people make their own choices. Even when we know they’re gonna fuck up.” Toph swore a lot, but Uncle not so much. Zuko assumed she was paraphrasing. 

He chortled. 

“I’m sorry I got so defensive. You’re right. Azula’s dangerous and she’s done a lot of horrible stuff. But I–” He had so many reasons. All of them were true and all of them were lies he told himself. He didn’t know which one to pick. “I had someone there for me. Azula should have someone there for her too.” 

Toph sighed. “I still think you’re wrong, you know? Azula’s away worse than you and you’re just excusing her.” She raised her hand when he started to object. “It’s the truth. But you gotta do what you gotta do. And I got your back.” 

Zuko hugged Toph. Taken by surprise, she tensed for a moment before hugging him back. It was a tight hug, a family hug. 

“There, there, Hotshot,” she said while patting him on the back, and they parted. “Go do your Fire Lord stuff. I got stuff to do here.” 

Toph went back to the middle of the square, pushing the ground up in some places and forcing it back down in others at the worker’s requests. 

There would be no “Fire Lord stuff” for Zuko until after the coronation. He wanted to make good use of the time he had before duty came crashing down on him. 

Zuko stopped by the kitchens. They were was a hustle and bustle of kitchen hands running around carrying trays of all kinds of food, chopping vegetables and meat, kneading dough, scrubbing dishes, or putting and pulling things out of the ovens. 

The cook was shouting orders all around as her hands focused on her own work. She startled when she noticed Zuko. 

“Good morning, Fire Lord,” she greeted with a small bow. All the other servants copied her, and Zuko shifted uncomfortably. “What can I do for you?” 

There were a couple of trays full of delicious looking pastries on one of the tables. 

“Can I take one of these?” he asked, pointing at the trays. “Don’t worry about making more for tonight, they won’t be missed.” 

“Of course, my lord.” She turned to the girl next to her, ready to give her some orders. 

Zuko raised his hand. “There’s no need. I can take them myself.” 

“But…” the woman started, but she didn’t finish her protest. She nodded. “As you wish.” 

He took the tray and headed for the stairs. 

Everyone in that kitchen had been working for days preparing for the feast. Today they’d been up since before dawn and would keep working for hours and hours. The same was true for the servants in the courtyard and the ones working inside. His people were giving their all for his coronation. He couldn’t let them down. And he’d reward them as they deserved. 

The last few steps were harder than usual. He felt like his chest had been filled with lead. 

_The throne is not yours. You stole it from Azula. Look what you’ve done_ , a little voice in his mind said. He knew it wasn’t true and he knew how horrible it would be if Azula had the crown, how horrible it had been when she did. Yet, sometimes he felt like it was something that shouldn’t belong to him. 

He shook those thoughts away. Someday he’d get used to being Fire Lord. It would be normal. 

The guard greeted him and opened the door. 

Zuko put down the tray and sat with his back against the hard wall. 

Azula was facing the sunlight that fell from her small window. She turned and sat on the other side of the bars. Without a word, she picked a sweet cake and bit it. 

“You know, the first time I came here I was worried about you because of–” _your breakdown_ “–because of what happened after the Agni Kai. But that’s not why I came. Not really.” 

“Yeah, yeah. You came to apologize,” she replied and chewed on her pastry. 

Zuko looked at the tray a took a small cake. 

“No, that’s not it. I hadn’t realized it then, but I… I needed someone to talk to.” 

“And your ragtag group of friends or your oh-so-wise uncle wouldn’t do? Not even _Mai_?” She spat her friend’s name. 

He ran a hand through his hair, pulling it slightly. 

“They wouldn’t understand. They don’t understand.” He tore at his cake, filling his mouth so he had an excuse to pause before continuing. “Do you know what happened at the North Pole?” 

“Zhao managed to suffer a colossal defeat against the tiny Northern Water Tribe despite controlling the entire Fire Nation fleet while you failed to capture a twelve-year-old.” Azula took a cream-filled cake. “Great job, you two!” 

Zuko shook his head. “I did capture the Avatar.” His sister’s eyes widened. “I caught him when he was meditating in the Spirit World. But then a huge blizzard struck and I had to take cover in a cave. His friends caught up to us. I challenged Katara for a fight.” 

Azula laughed good-humoredly. “You challenged a waterbender at the North Pole in the middle of a blizzard?” 

He nibbled on the cake. “Yeah.” 

“Wow, Zuzu, that sums up your entire personality rather nicely.” 

She was right, but he hoped she was wrong. He wasn’t that rash and stupid anymore, and he never wanted to be that desperate again. 

“But you get why, don’t you?” 

She sighed and smiled at him for a moment, before looking away. 

“Of course. You couldn’t come home empty-handed. Father would never let you. And you wanted him to love you so badly,” she murmured. 

Zuko took a deep breath to prepare himself. He sounded the words in his mind, but they wouldn't come to his tongue. Not unless he forced them. 

“I love you, Azula.” 

And it was true. After over fourteen years, it was finally true. 

She didn’t look at him. He expected a laugh and a sharp-edged barb or at least some surprise. But there was nothing. Azula just stared at a shadowy corner of the room. 

“Mother keeps saying that.” 

Mother? Was she alive? Had Azula talked to her? Did she know where she was? 

“What? Do you–?” 

“Don’t get your hopes up. I…” Azula leaned against the wall again and pulled her knees against her chest. She looked out the little window. “I _see_ Mother. Everywhere. And she says things. But I know she not real, she’s not really there.” 

It was like a punch to the gut that pushed the air out of him. He knew his sister was not okay. He’d heard what the servants had said and he’d seen it himself. But this, he would’ve never expected this. 

All their lives, Azula had been Father’s little girl and Zuko his Momma’s boy. It hadn’t occurred to him that the same way he craved Father’s attention, Azula craved Mother’s. His sister just wanted her mom, like any other kid. And she needed her so badly that she’d started seeing her when she wasn’t there. 

It couldn’t do her any good to be locked away in here. All alone. Cut off from everything and everyone she knew. 

“What does she say?” he asked. 

“What you said. And that I should be nice to you. And… other things.” 

He nodded even though she wasn’t looking at him. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s between you and her.” 

“It’s between me and me, you mean.” 

“No. Mother’s not here, but her memory is true.” 

Azula sighed and turned to him. “You were right. I do miss her.” 

Zuko stood up. 

“How would you like to find her?” 

She raised an eyebrow. “Find her? We don’t even know if she’s alive.” 

That would raise a lot of questions. Where was she? What had she been doing? Why did she leave? Why had she never sent any news? Where was she when he was banished? 

Zuko knew where to start to get some answers. 

He called the guard in the hallway. “Could you give me the keys, please?” 

“Excuse me, sir?” 

“What are you doing, Zuzu?” 

He extended his hand. “I want the keys. Please.” 

The guard hesitated but took a key ring from his belt and handed it to the Fire Lord. 

“Thank you,” Zuko said. “If you please, send for my uncle. Have him meet me at my sister’s rooms.” 

“Of course, sir.” The guard bowed and disappeared. 

Zuko picked the largest key, the one that looked like it would fit the lock, and tried it. Azula was already on her feet. 

“What is this, Zuko?” 

It was the wrong key. He tried another one. 

“It’s me trying to open this damn lock. I should’ve asked him which was the right key before I told him to go.” 

“Are you letting me go because I told you I hallucinate about Mother?” 

He finally got the right one. The lock gave with a metallic shriek. 

“No. I’m not ‘letting you go’. But you shouldn’t stay in this shitty place either.” 

Azula crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

“You’ve just decided that now?” 

“I’ve just _realized_ it now. No one should have to live in a place like this.” 

Zuko pulled the door open. It was harder than he’d expected. 

“I guess you’ll do the same for Father, then,” 

Was she trying to dissuade him? He didn’t need anyone else questioning his decisions, especially not Azula. Not on this. 

“I’m opening an exception for people who tried to destroy the world.” 

He opened his hand but she didn’t take it. 

“I would’ve done the same thing. I wanted to. I would’ve been by his side if he'd let me.” Her hands went to her hips and there was something of the old Azula in the way she narrowed her eyes. “It was _my_ idea.” 

He shook his hand in front of her. “Are you coming or not?” 

“Who do you think I am, Zuzu? Because I’m not the good little girl you’re trying to make me out to be.” 

His voice dropped a few degrees. “I know very well that you’re not good,” he said, pointing at the scar visible through the collar of his tunic. _But you are a little girl. You’re only fourteen_. “Neither am I. But I’m trying to. And you’ll be whatever you will. Just not here.” 

She walked past him on the way out. He followed her into the hallway. 

“I’m gonna need a long, long bath. And new clothes.” Her eyes looked up and she frowned. “And to do something about the hair.” 

“You better hurry, then. My coronation is in a few hours.” 

Azula laughed. “Me at your coronation? You’re hilarious.” 

Not hilarious but certainly very stupid. 

“I mean it.” 

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll set someone on fire? Perhaps shoot you with lightning again?” 

He stuffed his hands in his pockets. 

“I hope you wouldn’t. And I know you can’t.” 

She stopped in the middle of the corridor. Anger flashed in her eyes. 

“How dare you!” she snarled. 

Another her would’ve just dismissed him and mock him. Another him would’ve done what she had while summoning a flame in his hand. 

“You… you don’t look so good.” 

What a horrible thing to say. He wanted to smack himself. Why had he said that? 

“Excuse me, I’ve been locked in a tiny, stinky cell for days!” 

She strode away, leaving him behind. He caught up to her. 

“I’m sorry! I mean, I…” He stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had to think before speaking or he’d just set himself on fire again. “I lost my bending too. For a while. When I joined the Avatar.” 

Her face softened. “You lost the one thing you had to offer?” She laughed. “You really are good at fucking up.” 

“I’d lost my anger and my purpose.” 

“So what did you do?” she asked, hope and desperation in the trembling of her voice. She never looked her age as much as in that moment. 

“I…” He couldn’t tell her about the dragons. She couldn’t know. “I found a new purpose.” It was the truth, or part of it. 

“Teaching the Avatar?” 

“And helping save the world.” 

“Hmm. So I just need to find a new purpose, you say.” 

He nodded. 

They’d reached her old rooms and Azula walked right in. 

Her bedroom looked just like his. It was huge and lavishly decorated with silks and velvets in crimson and gold. There was an enormous bed, a couch, a desk, a wardrobe, and several tables and chairs. Yet, it seemed somehow empty. While in his room Zuko had a portrait of himself and Mai, some books, and meditation candles, there was nothing of Azula here. Just some maps and war plans on the desk. 

Did she have any stuff? Anything that was just and truly hers? 

“Zuko! Can you get in here?” his sister called from the washroom. 

He followed her inside. She had filled the tub and was staring at it with hatred in her eyes. 

“Is something wrong?” 

The tub was squeaky clean and there were towels and a bar of soap on a bench nearby. The water was perfectly clear. 

“Can you…” She fiddled with the hem of her sleeve. Then she asked, “Can you heat it up for me, please?” 

Oh, of course. He’d had that same problem. 

Zuko plunged his hand in the water. He focused but only managed to warm it up a little. It was more than before. 

“Well, not by much.” 

Azula threw her hands up in the air. 

“Are you seriously not gonna let me have a warm bath?” she complained. 

“I _can’t_.” 

“Why not? I’m pretty sure you got your firebending back!” 

“You literally shot me with lightning! I’m sorry if I’m not in my best shape!” 

She rolled her eyes. 

“Geez. Take it down a notch,” she said. “I’m sorry about that anyway.” 

“No, you’re not.” 

Zuko turned to leave. It was time for him to go before he yelled at her again. They couldn’t become friends if he got mad at her all the time. He had to keep calm. 

He was almost outside when she called out again. 

“Zuko? Please don’t tell anyone about my… lack of purpose.” 

“Sure,” he replied, closing the door behind him. 

Uncle waited for him in the hallway, hands tucked inside his sleeves. He smiled but there was a worry line between his eyebrows. 

“You brought your sister here,” he started. 

There was no reproach in his tone and Zuko sighed in relief. 

“Yeah. Uncle, I need to ask you if you could keep an eye on her during the coronation. I know it’s a lot to ask, but–” 

“She’s my niece too.” 

It warmed Zuko’s heart. Uncle was the kindest and most patient person he knew, but even this was too much. Uncle was too good a person. 

“She almost killed you,” he said. 

“And she almost killed you too. Yet, here you are.” 

Zuko looked away and brushed his fingers through his hair. 

“I wasn’t a very good brother to her. I’m trying to make it up for that.” 

“I wasn’t a very good uncle either. When I looked at her, all I ever saw was Ozai, and our relationship had been long broken. Ursa and I should’ve never had let him have this much influence over her.” Uncle raised a finger in front of him. “But make no mistake, Zuko. Azula is her own person, not a puppet.” 

Zuko looked up. “I know, Uncle. I’m not trying to control her or anything.” 

“No. But remember, she made her own decisions. As did you.” 

“But if things were different,” he argued, “if I’d been there for her, maybe she wouldn’t have.” 

Uncle sighed and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Zuko, don’t replace your father with your sister.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You always found excuses for Ozai and now you’re doing the same for Azula. Don’t be blind to her flaws. It’s not your job to ‘fix’ your sister and you can’t pretend like she’s innocent in all of this. You can’t absolve her of what she has done.” 

“Uncle, I–” 

His uncle pulled him into a tight hug and Zuko couldn’t breathe. But it didn’t matter. He felt safe in that hug. Warm. Comforted. Loved. So he melted in Uncle’s arms. 

“I know, Zuko. I know.” 

Now that his wound had closed, it didn’t quite _hurt_ anymore. It was more of an ache and it was getting better with Katara’s work. But it was still tight. Some movements meant he had to pull at it and it never gave. He could breathe, but raising his arms at certain angles was still hard. 

Zuko struggled with his royal robes. His sleeves refused to cooperate. He grunted as he tried – and failed – again. 

“You need some help with that?” someone asked from the door. 

“Mai!” 

He fumbled uselessly with the sleeve some more, now stuck halfway in. 

Mai crossed the room. She took his sleeve and pulled it gently around his arm, before closing the robe and tying the belt around his back. 

“Better?” she asked, a hand resting on his chest. 

“Yeah, thanks.” He kissed her softly. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be with your parents waiting for the ceremony.” 

“I snuck out. I wanted to see my boyfriend one last time–” 

“One last time? Is something wrong? Are you leaving?” he panicked. 

“–before he becomes Fire Lord.” She kissed him. “Everything will be different after today.” 

He took her hands in his and looked into her eyes. “I’ll still be me,” he promised. 

“No, you won’t,” she said, but she hugged him all the same. “Now, sit down and let me help you with your hair or you’ll end up with a hideous ponytail.” 

Zuko laughed and sat on the couch. Mai ran her long fingers through his hair, sending a shiver down his spine. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, sinking into that feeling. She pulled his hair, twisted it and tied it with the red and gold ribbon laying on the table. 

He stood up and looked himself in the mirror. It felt odd to look so formal after so many years away from court. He still hadn’t gotten used to it. It didn’t fit him anymore. 

The ceremonial armor piece was on his bed. Mai picked it up and pulled it over his head. It fell perfectly on his shoulders. Now he truly looked like a Fire Lord. He half looked like Ozai. 

His stomach turned. 

Mai put her hands on his shoulders and he immediately relaxed under her touch. She kissed his cheek and studied their reflexion. 

“You look very regal.” Her pride filled him with joy. “Are you ready?” 

He nodded. “Time to go.” 

They kissed one last time and Mai disappeared to join the crowd waiting for him outside. 

When Zuko left the room, the guards at his door followed him. They too were wearing their formal uniforms. The windows were covered by thick, red, velvet curtains and golden lanterns hanging from above lit the hallways leading to the square. 

Aang was sitting cross-legged before the exit in his airbending master attire. He seemed deep in thought. 

Zuko smiled. This kid was the Avatar and he’d just saved the world. Zuko was so proud of him. 

“I can’t believe a year ago my purpose in life was hunting you down,” he started, not knowing how to finish. “And now…” 

Aang looked up with his big grey eyes. 

“And now we’re friends.” 

What a privilege that was. To be friends with the Avatar. And the rest of the group as well. 

“Yeah. We are friends.” 

“I can’t believe a year ago I was still frozen in a block of ice,” Aang continued as he stood up. “The world’s so different now.” 

“And it’s gonna be even more different.” Zuko placed a hand on Aang’s shoulder. “We’ll rebuild it together.” 

They hugged. Former enemies turned friends leading the world to a new era. 

Zuko opened the curtains and stepped outside, Aang following close behind. 

The fire sages sounded the gong and the crowd cheered. 

Zuko’s eyes searched the crowd full of people from across the world. Katara and Sokka were at the frontline with their father and the other Water Tribe warriors. The Foggy Swamp tribe and the other heroes from the Day of Black Sun were there too. The Kyoshi Warriors golden hairpieces glinted in the sun. The Fire Nation nobles kept themselves apart from everyone else, Mai and her parents among them. At the back, going all the way to gates and out of the palace grounds, were the common folk – his people. 

In a discreet corner near the front stood Uncle and Toph. Azula was between them, wearing her ceremonial robes without the armor. Her long hair was down and her bangs had been pinned to the sides, hiding its ragged edges. She looked beautiful. His sister smiled at him, and Uncle and Toph were outright beaming. 

Zuko waved at the crowd. 

“Please, the real hero is the Avatar,” he said, stepping aside to let Aang step in front of the people. 

More cheering followed. 

“Today, this war is finally over,” Zuko continued, gazing into the eyes of every face to give more weight to his words. “I promised my uncle that I would restore the honor of the Fire Nation. And I will. The road ahead of us is challenging. A hundred years of fighting has left the world scarred and divided. But with the Avatar’s help, we can get it back on the right path and begin a new era of love and peace.” 

Silence fell as he finished his speech. He knelt before his people and closed his eyes. 

“All hail Fire Lord Zuko,” decreed the fire sage as he put the Fire Lord headpiece on Zuko’s head. 

Zuko stood and faced the crowd. He beckoned Aang to join him as the people celebrated. 


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to include all the appropriate trigger warnings in the tags. I apologize if I missed any. Please let me know so I can add them.
> 
> Enjoy!

They climbed the winding path to the prison in silence. The significance of what they were about to do weighed heavily on their shoulders. They couldn’t put it into words, both lost in their own thoughts.

Each step up the rocky road was harder than the last. They were both weakened and struggling. Neither of them complained. They soldiered on under the scorching heat. That’s who they were.

It was cooler inside the prison. Darker too, with only torches every few meters to light the way. Shadows lingered and festered in a place like this.

The guards that passed them by didn’t dare say a word but bowed and hurried on instead .

The key clicked into place and the hinges protested when the door opened wide.

Zuko entered. Azula stayed behind listening in, leaning on the stone wall with one foot against it.

The cell was very much like Azula’s had been. A small and stuffy room with the prisoner caged behind metal bars that made it even smaller. No windows here, and the only light came from the corridor.

Ozai sat on a thin mattress. His once magnificent hair was now greasy and tangled, falling over his face. His royal robes had been replaced by old and stained rags. He didn’t look so imposing anymore. Nor so terrifying.

“I should count myself lucky. The new Fire Lord has graced me with his presence in my lowly prison cell,” he said.

“You should count yourself lucky that the Avatar spared your life,” Zuko replied dryly. “Banishing me was the best thing you could’ve done for my life. It put me on the right path. Perhaps your time in here can do the same for you.”  _ But I doubt it _ .

“Why are you really here?”

Zuko stepped closer.

“Because you’re going to tell me something.” Zuko crouched and leaned forward. He growled, “Where is my mother?”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. Kudos and comments are appreciated. 
> 
> Have a nice day!


End file.
